Colonoscopy Daze

So, I’m about to share something very personal with you. I figure if Katie can do it, so can I. Earlier today I had a colonoscopy. At my age, it should be my 1st or 2nd but this was my 4th! Started early for 2 reasons: Genetics and…well, let’s just I had a bothersome symptom or two. I’ll leave out the gory details.

For those of you that have had a colonoscopy, you know that the procedure itself is really no big deal. Today, I arrived at the out patient center at 9 AM, was wheeled into the procedure room a little after 1o AM, knocked out a few minutes later and was back in recovery by 10:20. In total,  I was at the endoscopy center where the procedure is done for under 2 hours.

When they wake you up, the first thing they tell you is you need to pass gas. How many places are you going to in this world where someone is going to tell you that? The other interesting part of my morning was the little chuckle I got when I heard the patient in the next curtain area talking to the anesthesiologist. I hate to sound prejudice but always makes me laugh when he (or she) is Asian, in this case Chinese. He was actually a pretty funny guy.

What you have to do to get ready for the procedure is where the real fun is. Yesterday I was on a strict liquid diet, not including the yummy lime jello Linda made for me but is jello really a solid food?  In the words of Dr. Peter Venkman, “there’s always room for jello” which is never more true than when your in colon prep mode. No solid foods, no milk products, no juices with pulp or that are red in color. Lots of water, apple juice and chicken broth. Thank the heavens for the morning cup of java…black.

At 5 PM, I took the first dose from the Suprep Bowel Prep Kit, which coincidentally tastes like ass. Not that I have ever tasted ass but I’m pretty sure it would taste like this crap. Follow that up with two 16 oz glasses of water and let the fun begin.  Takes about 30 – 45 minutes for this stuff to really get moving but when it does, holy shit! Or is that holey shit cuz it certainly ain’t wholey shit.

During this lovely few hours, I continued to drink plenty of fluids to keep myself hydrated and to help with the cleansing. The good news is the first dose worked wonders and within hours my totally liquid bowels were as clear as tap water. So I did what everyone else who has been in my position does…I skipped the 2nd dose, which I was supposed to take at 11 PM, and went to sleep.

As I mentioned before, this was my 4th go round with the anal probe. Before my first one, at age 43, my doctor assured me that he wouldn’t need to see me for another 5 years.  3 polyps later, I was on the 3 year plan.  3 years and one more polyp, still on the 3 year plan.  2 scopes later and no polyps, I’m happy to report that I’ve been promoted to the 5 year plan.

Based on today’s common medical wisdom, everyone close to my age should have had their 1st colonoscopy. If you haven’t been have been told it’s time, it’s really nothing to be afraid of. You’ll be no worse for the wear and for a few days, your bowels will be smooth sailing.

Now can someone please explain to me why I have to be awake for my prostate exam?


About IraSez

I am the owner of Monarch Communications, a graphic design/advertising/website design firm in Millburn, NJ. You can take a look at some of our work at I started IraSez at the urging of my wife, a couple of friends and several facebook friends who actually encouraged me to write a book. They think I'm funny but some of my latest blogs have covered some rather somber topics. In my spare time, I run the local SU alumni club. I'm in the 9th year of a 3 year term or as us SU grads called "fuzzy math." I'm SU '82, wife is SU '83, daughter is SU '11, son is SU '14, even my nephew goes to SU. So yes, we bleed Orange. I like to play golf, watch the same movies over and over, and take long walks with my dog on the trails in South Mountain Reservation behind Old Short Hills. If you see a guy wearing something with an SU logo chasing after a dog named Cosmo, that's me!
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