I’m sure many of you have heard the expression “left lane dick.” A “left lane dick” is a person who drives in the left lane slower than the flow of traffic, breaking rule #1 of highway driving: Pass on the left, drive on the right. Rule #2 is when you are left lane dick and I’m flashing my lights at you, get the hell out of my way.
This morning I was on longisland (and it is pronounced longisland) on my way to play golf (see the previous post about the only thing that gets me out of bed before dawn). On the longislandexpressway, they have an HOV lane, which brings me to rule #3 of highway driving: Just because there is an HOV lane and you have 2 or more people in your car, doesn’t mean you should drive in the HOV lane, especially if you aren’t going to at least drive the speed limit when traffic in the non-HOV lanes is moving at or faster than the speed limit. If you are, well then you are a “left lane dick extreme (LLDE).”
Now, I couldn’t drive in the HOV lane because I was only one person but I kept passing many LLDEs. Rule #4 of highway driving: If the extreme left lane is an HOV lane, than the lane next to it becomes the new left lane. Therefore, if you are in that lane and driving slower than the flow, you are a left lane dick. Sorry, the HOV does not exempt you from being a dick and rule #2 still applies.
And God forbid you should be texting on your cell phone, driving in the left lane with me flashing my brights at you. I think I’ll leave the whole texting talking emailing on your cell phone while driving for another day. Afterall, I was up before dawn this morning.